Stillness
Stillness.
Most posts are a result of observations or thoughts that swirl around in my head. Words forming sentences. The need to take those words and put them down in a written format feels like water in a tea kettle. As I near the end of the post, I feel the pressure release because the observations or thoughts now exist in written format. If I don’t write the words, one of two things happens. The words haunt me; they will not leave me alone. Or, I lose the observation/thought; it is just gone.
In January 2020, I made a commitment to myself. I was going to write consistently even if the only person reading was me. I needed to write. The consistent writing was the tricky part for me because it meant that there could be many posts that were mediocre at best. In that season, the important part was that I simply wrote. The writing process, fine-tuning my voice, and the discipline of writing weekly became my primary goal. And God has been so very kind because for the most part each week, I sit down to write and I have a general idea of what I want or need to write. He provides the observations and thoughts.
However, this week the words were silent. Quiet.
With my laptop in my lap, I sit on the bed. The cursor is blinking - mocking me…
So in this moment, I will sit still. Perhaps the lesson for me today is to put the self-imposed goal of consistent writing aside. Quiet the critic living in my mind. Seek God’s voice in the silence.
“The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent”
Alone in my room with the timer set for 5 minutes.
I begin with trying to stop the running list - wants, responsibilities, obligations, home, family, work, ministry, groceries, appointments… and then the word stillness appears. Surely I can make it 5 minutes. I begin to take stock of my physical body. From my head to my toes, what do I feel? My arms feel heavy and I can feel them pulling on my shoulders and neck. I usually carry all of my stress in my shoulders and neck. I notice that my joints feel great. I have struggled with arthritis since I was about 22 years old, but today I feel good. Tomorrow’s responsibilities pop up, but they are quickly followed by the words “intentional stillness”. Intentional stillness. Intentional stillness. How has the timer not gone off? Are Scott and the girls safe on their little scooter ride around Montellano? What in the world is going on outside with the shouting? Intentional stillness. Intentional stillness. Intentional stillness. Could I be intentionally still for one week? Do I create enough space to hear from God? Timer goes off.
“For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel,
“In returning and rest you shall be saved;
in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.””
5 more minutes.
Concentrating on my breaths. Breathe in for 5. Breathe out for 5. Breathe in Jesus. Breathe out the world. Breathe in joy. Breathe out fear. Breathe in truths. Breathe out lies. Breathe in stillness. Breathe out busyness. Breathe in Spirit. Breathe out self. Breathe in hope. Breathe out defeat. Breathe in forgiveness. Breathe out shame. Breathe in freedom. Breathe out expectations. Breathe in. Breathe out. I am genuinely surprised when the timer goes off.
In the pursuit of words and sentences, I missed the two words God was trying to draw my attention to - intentional stillness. I need to slow down and be present. Quiet the voices. Stop the lists. Simply sit before the Lord and allow for intentional stillness with the hopes that I will hear His voice.
I tell people all the time to “be present” and I believe with all of my heart that it is vital. I encourage others to take a Sabbath because OH MY WORD the Sabbath is amazing and changed my life when I started to observe it. I needed a reminder to create moments of stillness. It starts with me, and this week I commit to being intentionally still for 10 minutes a day and take note of the thoughts in my head, the way my body feels, the breaths I take, and the still small voice of Jesus.
“Be still, and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!”