Content?

Horns honking. Motorcycles darting around the car. Two lane road serving as a 4 or 6 lane road. Huge speed bumps or deep, cavernous pot holes. Narrow roads. Few signs. Traffic laws that are merely suggestions, until they are not.

Just a few of the many reasons I do NOT want to drive in the Dominican Republic. Full disclosure - I am not a person who enjoys driving even when we lived in the States. However when you add all of these additional driving stressors, I am NOT exactly motivated to get behind the wheel of our car. Prior to moving, I jokingly asked Scott if we could hire a driver - just someone to drive me around. Scott didn’t think we could justify a driver and that it would look a little ostentatious. That’s ridiculous - I mean, who cares if it is a tad ostentatious if it means I am not dead! (Ok. I concede he may have a point, thus we do not have a driver!)

We spent two months this summer serving here with our groups ministry team. Out of necessity, I drove - a little. I didn’t drive far by myself and tried to stay within a 10 mile radius of the house. I left the DR feeling a little more confident and believed that I jumped a huge hurdle. I truly thought that when we moved, I would quickly begin to drive independently.

Perceived reality. Out of a lack of confidence in my driving abilities and the lack of car availability, I rarely drive anywhere - with someone or alone. We have one car, and Scott is gone most of the day. (Perfect excuse for not driving.) Scottie and I sit at home. Most weekdays, we don’t leave the house. On the weekend, our family might go to eat or to the grocery store, but Scott is with us so he is driving. Cabin fever? Not really. I do not feel trapped. I fill my days with learning, thinking, and mommying. I don’t have a burning desire to go to the store by myself. I haven’t felt the need to be around too many people. I just feel content with the situation as it is - Scottie and I alone in our house.

Reality. I am not independent. I am missing out on opportunities to connect. I feel my ministry slipping away. Scottie does need to leave the house. Yet, where is my motivation if I am not feeling discontent?

Contentment: happiness and satisfaction.

Truth. I don’t think I am content with the lack of independence or staying home all day. I am not satisfied with my ministry desires disappearing. However, the motivation and inner push to be brave and adventure out isn’t there. When I say I have no desire to get out of our house, it is the truth. So if this isn’t contentment, what is it?

Complacent: feeling so satisfied with your own abilities or situation that you feel you do not need to try any harder.

Thanks to a quick Google search and the Cambridge Dictionary I experienced a wake up call, an aha moment. Complacent is simply being overly content in your own abilities. Wait - Perhaps some of my feelings of “contentment” are actually feelings of complacency.

Perhaps, I am complacent because I am satisfied with things not being too hard. I don’t want to be pushed out of my safe, little comfort box - i.e. our house. I have a strong desire to be “good” and “right”, and I would rather not try to drive, speak Spanish, or immerse myself in ministry because what if I am not good at it, or I do it wrong. What if I fail and it is because of a lack of faith, courage, and inner strength. (FYI - The ability to find words for this motivation is after hours of reading about the Enneagram - yay Enneagram!) I am quite comfortable being complacent. It isn’t requiring effort - mentally, physically, or emotionally. However, I am finding that this complacent state is taking a toll on me spiritually. The deep desires the Holy Spirit is nudging me towards requires me to stop being complacent. The longer I ignore these nudges, the heavier I feel.

I need an action plan. Three measurable steps to move forward out of complacency.

1.) Drive. Drive every single week. Just do it even when I really don’t want to do it. Drive a short distance, and perhaps drive into the more congested and populated cities of Puerto Plata or Sousa (my heart pounds just thinking about it).

2.) Volunteer weekly at Makarios. Think of others by serving, give purpose to Scottie’s day (and mine) and create opportunities to speak Spanish - even if it isn’t good and correct.

3.) Build relationships. Intentionally spend time with our staff. Minimally, set up at least one get-together a week.

If I can just do these three things for a few weeks, then perhaps I can begin climbing out of that complacent box of comfort. I won’t like the climb, but maybe once I am at the top of the box and see everything I have been missing, I will be ready to take the next three steps.

There is a fine line between contentment and complacency. The fine line has probably been crossed in other areas of my life. Marriage. Family. Work. Relationships. Ministry. Walk with Jesus. Do you find yourself mistaking complacency for contentment? What are you complacent about, yet know that something more is being required of you? Are you willing to join me in the climb our out of the complacent box of comfort? What are three actionable steps you can take?

As always, It Starts With Me.

Zoey snapped this picture of me on the very day that I began writing this post!