at the end of the day

At the end of the day am I happy with my words and actions?  Can I go to sleep knowing that I was the best possible version of me today?  Did I speak kindly to my children?  Did I love and serve my husband?  Did I try to encourage someone with my words?  Did I speak truth when truth needed to be spoken?  Did I sit still in the presence of my Jesus?  Did I wash the dishes with an attitude of thanksgiving?  Did I look up at the sky in awe of the Creator?  Do I boldly share my convictions and beliefs?  Do I fight for the oppressed?  Do I feel unsettled by the injustices in our country?  Our world?  Do I listen to other perspectives?  Do I step into the stories of others and give them opportunities to hear our story?  How do I treat my neighbors? 

the pandemic continues

chaos swirls

racism still exists

division grows

hate is spoken

lies are spread

But who am I?  How do I react?  What do I say?  What do I do?

I am not sovereign.  I am not in control.  But, I serve a God who is.

I am not perfect.  But, my Jesus is perfect.

God is Healer

God uses chaos to reveal sin and lead us towards truth

God created ALL people

God is the God of reconciliation

God is love

God is truth

I no longer wanting to sit by and bite my tongue.  I know that my silence is often perceived and received as condoning behaviors and beliefs.  I believe that God equips and empowers those who follow HIm to fight for the oppressed.  I want to be a soldier - I want to be used.  Silence is easy because it doesn’t cost me anything.  But my silence does cost others something.  

On the other hand, my words and actions have the potential to cause harm and to divide.  I want the overflow of my life to be empowering, encouraging, and filled with love.  How do I use my words?  Do my actions and words hurt others?  Based on what I say and what I do is Jesus glorified?

I know that I cannot please everyone.  Something I say or do can be misunderstood or perhaps simply not received well.  Beliefs and preferences are not universal among our family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, or within the church.  What I believe to be true based on life experiences and how I interpret the Word of God may not be what you believe to be true.  Do I stay silent in order to avoid a misunderstanding or to protect how someone will see me?  Do I speak with boldness knowing that I strive to please only one - the One?  Do I sit on my hands instead of picking up a sign and marching down the street?  Do I close my mouth instead of defending someone?  Do I value what others think more than what God thinks?  What am I willing to risk?

At the end of the day, can I sleep knowing I did my very best to love God and love others? 

I can honestly say that I am not sure how to answer that question.  But I can say that the fire in my belly and the tightness in my chest leads me to believe that I need to do better.  To be better.  I look around frustrated and disappointed in those who do not fight for the hurting, lonely, lost and oppressed.  The reality is: how can I expect others to do something that I am too afraid to do myself. 

Being better.  Doing better.  It starts with me.