pain in my neck
Reaching up to rub the right side of my neck and shoulder, I wonder what is causing me to feel stressed. My tell-tell sign that something is going on is that consistent tension in my neck and shoulders. It is my body’s way of telling me that something is off. Interestingly, my mind rarely notices the stress first. It is almost always my body.
Despite the pain in my neck and tension in my shoulders, I would not have described myself as an anxious person. Last week, I had a huge a-ha moment while reading Raising Worry-Free Girls by Sissy Goff. (A book that I picked up to read because I am a parent to children with anxiety.)
““I don’t feel anxious on a daily basis. But I’m a classic type A personality - a One on the Enneagram. The older I get, the more I come to believe individuals who are type A deal with a little (or a lot of) baseline anxiety. And our productivity, efficiency, and organization are all systems to keep our worlds in control. They’re how we manage our anxiety or keep it at bay so it doesn’t take over. They’re how we make our worlds work.” (pages 52-53)”
What? I am a Type A and an Enneagram One. I make lists. I thrive with structure. I am organized. What if I have controlled my anxiety with all of the lists and structure? What would happen if the items on the lists never were checked off? What would happen if the structure collapsed? Would my outward behaviors shift to more “typical” anxiety behaviors? The truth is that I am beginning to realize that in so many ways I believe Sissy Goff’s statement is true for me. So when I feel the pain in my neck, I need to call it what it is and address it. Addressing it may still require structure and routine, but it also requires me to name it. I am experiencing this tension in my neck and shoulders because I am feeling anxious about _______________.
Seemingly normal, stress-free days still result with a pain in my neck. With the realization that my body is telling me that my mind is not being truthful to me, I began taking five action steps to help relieve the tension in my neck and shoulders and investigate why I am feeling anxious.
Ask - What is happening right now that might make me feel stressed/worried? Am I thinking about something that just happened or might happen later? I spend some time reflecting and not simply denying what is happening.
Breathe and stretch - I practice breathing. Inhaling and holding for 3 seconds, exhaling and holding for 3 seconds, and repeating. Concentrating on my breath helps me to focus on the present. I also need to stretch my neck. I am having a physical reaction to the stress/anxiety; therefore, I need to address it physically. I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have turned my head the wrong way and pulled the muscles in my neck. And it happens because my neck and shoulders are already so tight.
Share - I have invited a couple of people into this process. They know that when I feel pain and tightness in my neck and shoulders, it is a result of something else happening. They also know that I often cannot put it together - the physical with what is happening in my mind. When I share what is happening with my body, they ask me questions. They are in close proximity to what my daily life looks like, so they are able to point me towards possible stress. By allowing others into the process, I have gained other anxiety detectives to help me uncover the why of a very real physical pain.
Be still - I strive to be still twice a day for at least five minutes at a time. My goal is to be still first thing in the morning, so I can take stock of how my body feels and track where my mind is wandering. Then I try to grab a second time of stillness in the late afternoon. When I am practicing stillness, I set a timer and find a quiet spot. I practice my controlled breathing. I take a mental assessment of my body from my head to my toes. Is my jaw clenched? (Almost always the answer is yes!) Are my shoulders inching their way up to my ears? How is my neck? Am I experiencing looping thoughts about something that happened during my day? The practice of stillness is something new for me, but it is one way for me to slow down and really assess what is happening in my body and mind.
Journal - I process the thoughts in my head through words. I need to write the words down. I need to remind myself to be thankful. (I always write one thing I am thankful for at the top of the journal page.) I need to list out my requests before God; otherwise, I obsessively think about them - worry. Once I have released the worries, thoughts, and prayers on paper, I can let them go (at least for today). I need to remind myself of the goodness of God by praising Him - who He is, His character, His provision, and His sovereignty. I need to write out all of the thoughts swirling in my head, create lists, make a plan, and process.
I want the daily tension and pain in my neck to go away. I want to deal with my anxiety in a healthy and productive way. I don’t want to force the worry into hiding because there it will remain always lurking. I want to model freedom for my girls. Freedom from the anxiety. Freedom from fears. Freedom from worries. Listening to my body and addressing the underlying issues, I am owning the process. It starts with me.