Listening before speaking.
Listening before speaking. It isn’t something that comes easily for me because I have lots of opinions. I have a deep desire to offer advice, fix the problem, and correct the “wrong” thinking.
Listening before speaking. My mouth is hands down my biggest flaw. It is the thing that gets me into the most trouble. How many times do I walk away from a conversation and wish that I had just kept my mouth shut?
Listening before speaking. The words coming out of my mouth are often the root of some of my biggest regrets. Spewing opinions, advice, and judgment without truly hearing what was being said has resulted in so many lost opportunities.
Listening before speaking. Knowing full well that this is what Hubs and the kids want the most from me, yet I speak too quickly. Waking up in the morning wishing I had just kept my mouth shut and given the space for Hubs to share and process. Realizing that although I have opinions and ideas, I am not an expert and I don’t know everything. How can I know what they need and want and not practice listening to them - really listening?
Listening before speaking. The speaking part is so easy. The questions and thoughts bubble to the surface at a rapid pace. The art of listening, however, is one that I have not mastered. Reigning the thoughts and questions in and focusing on the words being spoken seems doable. Simple. Yet… I speak.
“So when you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively, then you are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling of what is being conveyed, to the whole of it, not part of it.”
Listening before speaking. Everyone wants to feel seen. Known. Heard. Truly listening to what someone is saying is a beautiful gift that I can give them.
“Listen. People start to heal the moment they feel heard.”
Listening before speaking. The more someone feels heard, the more likely they are to share again. The more they share, the more opportunities I will have to encourage and speak truth. After a few times of feeling not heard, judged, and spoken over, they will stop sharing anything of significance. Our interactions will become social pleasantries.
Listening before speaking. As I spend time with Jesus through prayer, journaling, and reading Scripture, I realize that a very small portion of that time is dedicated to listening. Listening to the still small voice. Listening to the heart of Jesus. Listening for guidance. Truth. Direction. Conviction.
“God speaks in the silence of the heart. Listening is the beginning of prayer. ”
Listening before speaking. Focusing on the words, emotions, and reasons for sharing requires me to change some behaviors. Look them in the eyes. Nod my head. Smile and encourage them to continue. Don’t help the story along with what I think they might say or why they are saying it. Letting them have space to process out loud without me doing the processing for them. Don’t interrupt. Remind myself it isn’t a battle of words. My words can wait.
Listening before speaking. Keeping judgments to myself. Reminding myself that just because something is my truth, doesn’t mean it is everyone’s truth. Just because I live my life by certain standards, moral codes, and biblical truths doesn’t mean that the person speaking has made those same choices or adopted the same standard. Instead of judging what their words are and creating my rebuttal, I need to hear them. Try to see it from their perspective. Listening and seeking to gain understanding doesn't mean that I am changing my convictions. It simply means that I am really listening.
Listening before speaking. When it is time to speak, I need to be intentional with my words. Speak back to them what I heard them say. Ask questions to help them to continue to process. Keep my opinion to myself unless they ask for it. Encourage them. Say “I am so very sorry” when they are hurting. Don’t “one up” them with my own problems and stories.
Listening before speaking. When a hard truth needs to be spoken, I should take a deep breath and make sure that I am speaking with kindness. Are my words filled with grace? Is my tone loving? Does my face match what is coming out of my mouth?
“Do not let unwholesome words ever come out of your mouth, but only such speech as is good for building up others, according to the need and the occasion, so that it will be a blessing to those who hear.”
Listening before speaking. It is what I am looking for in a friend. I want to be heard. Seen. But I cannot expect something from someone that I am unwilling or unable to do myself. I understand the value in listening before speaking. If it is something I value, then I must put forth effort. Practice. Be intentional. What I am desiring from others is the very thing that I must give. It starts with me, so I will lean in and quietly listen.