Slightly obsessed.

This blog post contains Amazon affiliate links.

I am 45 years old and there has been a slight shift in the ways I spend my money and time.  A few new obsessions and I am trying to figure out 1) why and 2) is it ok?

Skin Care

I have spent more money on skincare this past year than I ever have in my entire life.  Let me be clear, it isn’t a ton of money, but it is more than the normal spending on MY FACE.  I watch Youtube videos, listen to podcasts, research practices and best economical products.  Ten years ago, I only washed my face while in the shower - once a day.  Now I have a morning and bedtime routine with multiple steps.  In fact, there are so many steps that I had to write them down on index cards.  With all of the oils and lotions, I go to sleep looking like you could fry an egg on my face!  Why?  If I am honest with myself, I realized a few years ago that I needed to do something because I am aging and my face was beginning to show it.  I had never done research or asked questions before, so there was actual learning to be done.  The truth is that every podcast, blog, and Youtube video pushes products because that is how they make an income.  And I fell for it. I dropped those products into my Amazon wishlist and every payday I would just buy one thing at a time.  Slowly assembling various products and tools to correct and reverse the aging process.  Ha!  What a silly little girl I am because you cannot actually reverse the aging process.  Although that is true, what is also true is that I like it.  I like the process.  The routine, the smells, and the effects are calming and have created bookends to my days - a rhythm in the morning and at night that bring me joy.  So is it ok?  I think yes, but I have pressed pause on purchasing skincare products and cosmetics for 6 months. During this period of time, I will assess what I truly need and want.  After all, it is really about my true motivation and moderation.

My favorite two skincare products:

Paula’s Choice facial cleanser is AMAZING!

Maelove’s Glow Maker, an antioxidant serum, is my favorite step in the process.

Clothing, shoes, and hats

This obsession isn’t really about having more.  Rather, it is more about wanting to LIKE what I wear.  I have always enjoyed shoes… it is what I was known for when I taught school.  Girls wanted to see which shoes I was wearing, and the shoes helped me add a personal style to my simple wardrobe.  When we moved to the Dominican Republic, I bought a hat to wear on the beach.  I loved it.  Such a simple and affordable accessory to add to my mix of what I enjoy.  Hats are one of those things that other women would wear and I thought that I could never pull it off.  I am still not sure I can, but I have decided that if a 45 year old woman wants to wear a hat, then she should just wear the dang hat.  So I do!  I love them! I don’t need more clothes, but in this stage of life, what I want is to really like my clothing.  I think the obsession about what I am wearing stems from two things.  First, my desire to look my best and to feel good in my skin as I grow older.  I have TWO adult children, but I don’t want to feel and look old - not yet.  Secondly, I have been a momma for almost 22 years.  That’s over two decades of making sacrifices with my own wants because I will always choose to spend our money on our kids.  Always.  As I age, I am becoming more and more comfortable with spending just a little money on me.  Is it ok?  Gosh, I don’t know.  Perhaps it all comes down to balance.  I will continue to be a good steward of the money God is providing our family.  Controlling impulse buys.  Spending wisely. I am still trying to wrap my head around - am I trying to run away from aging?  Honestly, I am not sure I know the answer to that at this point, but I will keep evaluating my motivation and perhaps that is good enough for now.

My favorite two recent purchases - 

Scott’s mom gifted Adidas Grand Court Sneakers to me for Christmas.  I absolutely love them.

I love this hat, and I would wear it every single day if I could!!

Books

My love for reading is NOT a new thing.  I am an avid reader and have been for as long as I can remember.  At this point in my life, I read in order to be informed and for entertainment.  Consuming books at a rapid rate for well over a year caused me to stop and ask myself why.  Without a doubt, when I want to know more about something, I will read about it.  It is my preferred way to learn.  I love stories and discovering other perspectives and experiences, and it is possible through autobiographies, memoirs, and essay collections.  I read fiction as a form of entertainment.  My television watching decreased dramatically this past year as the reading increased.  I love how storytellers string words together to walk the reader through the story of fictional characters.  Feeling what they feel.  I love reading.  Is it ok that I am spending more and more hours reading?  On the surface, I would say yes.  Why not?  Reading isn’t a bad thing.  However, there is this little nagging conviction in the pit of my stomach.  What if I am using fiction as a way to escape.  To numb out.  To not deal with life.  To not be present.  I cannot say for certain if that is true for me, but I do know that I need to spend some time evaluating if my whys are true and healthy.    (Full disclosure - 99% of the books I read are library downloads and my Kindle Paperwhite is without a doubt my favorite thing!)

My favorite two recent reads - 

Here for It: Or How to Save your Soul in America 

by R. Eric Thomas. 

Not only did he make me laugh out loud, I appreciated stepping into someone else's shoes and seeing the world and the church through a different perspective.  It is the only book that I sent to my daughter, Emma Grace, and my sister-in-law, Christi, because I wanted to share his words with them!

The Virgin River book series by Robyn Carr. 

The Virgin River book series by Robyn Carr.  It is not a new series, but I discovered the series a little  over a year ago.  Easy reads.  Everyone lives happily ever after.  Simple entertainment.  A way to escape for just a few hours. (Netflix has adapted the series into a television show. Same characters but they have taken liberty with the storyline. I enjoy the show, but it doesn’t replace the book series!)

There is no answer to whether or not any of my forty-something obsessions are good and healthy.  I still need to do some processing.  I need to continue to have self check-ins to keep them under control.  But it is interesting to me that all three of these obsessions are very much about me.  I feel the shift in my life as I realize that it is ok to not be the mommy martyr.  It is more than ok to do something just for me.  It is all about balance, right?  As long as I am not just consumed with my face, clothes, and books, then it’s ok.  I just need to make sure that I am also spending time knowing Jesus more.  Serving and loving my family.  Thinking of others.  Taking action to truly know and encourage others.  For decades I would tell myself it isn’t all about me.  But today, I am also believing it can sometimes be about me.